We’re Engaged! Now What?
Hello and welcome Brides & Grooms to be! If you’ve landed on this page I hope that means you’ve just made the most exciting decision and are ready to jump in to the wedding planning world. It’s a large and often daunting task, and you don’t know what you don’t know. Here are some first practical steps to set you on your way.
Decide your budget
Before you can look for vendors, create a guest list, or visit venues, you MUST decide on your budget! Everything will come down to the actual money you’ll be able to spend. If parents or family are pitching in, have a meeting and get real numbers from them. Wedding vendors are not shy when it comes to talking about money. Phrases like “Affordable” or “doesn’t cost an arm and a leg” mean nothing to us - and quite frankly rub us the wrong way. You will need to present a transparent budget to find the right people you want to work with.
Ultimately your guest list will dictate most of how your budget is spent. Guests cost ends up being about $150-350 per person, which adds up quickly considering the average wedding has a list of 100-250 people! This also means if you have to be considerate of the budget, having a more intimate wedding is the best way to cut costs.
In the San Francisco Bay Area, the average wedding costs around $41,000 - $70,000.
Once you’ve set your budget, leave some wiggle room!! There are ALWAYS hidden costs and things you didn’t account for that add up. I recommend putting 5-10% aside for all those little things that will surprise you. For example: did you know that most brides spend what their dress cost just to get it altered? Couples are often blown away when they are quoted $1500 - 3000 to have the dress taken in, hemmed, and bustled professionally. Good thing you’ve set some of that cash aside, just in case! ;)
2. Create your priority list
Before you go headfirst into all wedding planning all the time, sit down as a couple and really think about the priorities you have for this day. Not just about the decorations or what everyone will wear. How do you want your wedding to feel?
Will it be an intimate gathering where you get to chat with each and every guest? Are you looking forward to a wild dance floor that lasts all night? Do you want to share an incredible dining experience?
Whatever the case, your answer should be what dictates every decision you make while planning. For example, if spending the maximum amount of time with friends and family is a priority to you, first you’ll want a team of vendors you can rely on so that odd jobs aren’t left for family to pick up. You’ll also want to create an itinerary that maximizes your time together, like doing a first look so the two of you can get photos out of the way and join your cocktail hour.
As wedding planning gets complicated or frustrating, continue to look at these priorities the two of you have set together. Weddings can be an emotional and sticky business, with well intentioned family and friends inserting their own preferences and opinions. Remember: this is YOUR day, and there are no rules for how you get to spend it!
Here are some of the most common responses I get when I ask my couples what their priorities are:
Spending time with friends and family. Guests are traveling far and we want to offer a fun and relaxing time, while still being intentional with our evening.
Being together as a couple. We recognize the day will go by fast! We want to be able to step away at certain points of the day and savor every moment.
Photo / Video! (Of course I’m biased but I love hearing this!) We see the photos from our day as our first family heirloom, and are looking forward to reliving this day through gorgeous imagery.
An epic party! We’d like to expedite dinner and toasts to hit the dance floor. We have our party captains and will strategize how to keep the dance floor going strong. A DJ is going to be a priority investment.
Thoughtful details. We love fashion and the artistry of events. We want to invest in a team of vendors that can bring our vision to life, and we are eager to see our wedding day submitted for publication.
3. Begin booking your vendors!
Now that you have a spreadsheet with your budget and your priorities written down to keep you in check, begin booking your vendors! The biggest expenses you’ll have will probably be your venue, which typically takes up 30-45% of the budget.
While yes, booking a planner is an additional cost, they’ll help you keep expenses on track. After your venue this should be the first person you reach out to!
The first vendors you hire will be able to refer you to other vendors they trust and whose goals will align with yours. I love sending my couples to my favorite videographer team who has a similar shooting and editing style to mine. It’s a match made in heaven!
The average cost of wedding vendors in the SF Bay Area:
Full service planners: $3,000 - 5,500
Partial Planners: $1,500 - 2,500
Photography: $3,000 - 9,000
Videography: $4,000 - 9,000
Florals: $3,000 - 10,000
Venue: $12,000 - 32,000
Rentals: $1,200 - 3,000
Hair & Makeup: $300 - 800, $1000+ full wedding party
Live bands: $4,000
DJ: $1,700
Custom Stationery: $1200 - 3500
Basic Stationery: $400
You really get what you pay for when it comes to wedding vendors, and it’s worth it to go all in on the ones that matter to you rather than dividing your budget in to smaller and smaller pieces because someone told you that you should. For example, a while back I worked with the most incredible couple. Photos were definitely a priority to them, but they were confident that they wouldn’t need a video. A few weeks before the wedding a friend guilt tripped them into hiring a last minute videographer, and luckily she had a friend who could do it for only $800.
Let me tell you, this videographer was a complete menace to work with! He was unprofessional, rude, late, and kept stepping in front of my camera. I almost missed the first kiss at the ceremony because of him! The bride said that getting the video back was such a bummer. She confided in me that she wished she put that money towards something else, like having photos at the rehearsal dinner. “Sure, $800 is not a lot to spend on a videographer, but it’s way too much to spend on a crappy wedding video we will never watch again!” It would’ve been better to completely cut out that vendor than try to force them in to the day.
It’s worth it to invest in the professionals. Many photographers charge an extra fee of $500-1,000 if their couples don’t have a wedding planner. Why? Because we know so much extra work will fall onto our shoulders to keep the day running. We stand alongside the bride and groom all day, and are often the ones keeping the itinerary running smooth. Without a team of professional vendors suddenly it’s us photographers become dress steamers, coordinators, babysitters, and transportation. (yup, it’s all happened to me!) Asking mildly experienced friends can be stressful and unintentionally cause drama. I’ve had my fair share of Aunt-Sally-the-hobby-Planner having a power trip over me, and it’s just not fair for my couples to be stuck in the crossfires of that. Let your friends and family be guests at the wedding, and any jobs that you recruit them to do should all be wrapped up weeks before the big day.
When to begin booking vendors
Note: There is a perfect vendor for every couple, but it could take time and patience to find them! This is more of a guideline, so don’t let this timeline stress you out. Some couples book me a year in advance - especially if they are getting married on a holiday weekend or in a popular spring / summer month, and some couples have found me three months before! I certainly recommend booking your priority vendors as soon as possible so you aren’t stressing out and booking the first person available.
9-14 months in advance
Venue - This could determine your wedding date.
Planner - They should connect you with their favorite vendors to work with, and full service will do the bulk of the booking for you.
Photographer - I recommend having your engagement session with your wedding photographer! Most wedding photographers, like myself include a complimentary engagement session with their wedding packages.
Videographer - If this is a priority! If booking them is dependent on budget you could wait 4-6 months before the wedding.
Paper goods, if you are having a custom stationery suite made for you.
6 - 8 months in advance
Florist - a floral designer will have a huge part in designing your day.
Beauty - some of the best hair and makeup artists get booked a year out. Certainly bump this up if its a bigger priority. Book your trial 3 - 5 months before the big day, but keep in mind the potential change of weather.
Caterer - give yourself time to set up tastings as well!
3 - 6 months in advance
Standard Rentals - if your venue doesn’t have them.
DJ - if you’re looking to have a specific band consider booking sooner!
Officiant
Cake and desserts
Photo booth
Where to find your wedding vendors?
Beware the undisclosed advertisement.
The Knot, Zola, Wedding Wire, and other wedding websites can be a great source to find inspiration & information, but it’s vital to remember that these websites use a pay-to-play model for vendors. The vendors you see on the front page aren’t the ones the editors of these sites actually recommend, they’re just the vendors paying the most to be there.
Even wedding magazines like RealWeddings are all undisclosed ads, in which the vendors pay to be featured in print. British Vogue is notorious for featuring anyone who pays the hefty price tag! That doesn’t mean that all these people aren’t talented or undeserving, but it’s important to keep that in mind when beginning your hunt.
If your venue provides a ‘preferred vendor list’, ask whether they require those vendors to pay to be on it. Since the venue is usually the first thing booked they know how valuable their referrals can be, and often charge quite a bit for being on a vendors list.
My favorite way to start the vendor hunt is instagram! Most vendors should list their location, website, and contact info. You can find more professionals through who they are following, which will show you people of a similar aesthetic. Friends who have recently gotten married will be a great resource as well! First hand accounts from a client experience is vital.
Understanding the intended aesthetic of your wedding and key words to search will help. Google will be ready to connect you to “Luxury event designers in the East Bay,” or “Bright and airy fine art photographer near San Francisco.” ;)
Try looking up these aesthetics on pinterest and write down the key words that stick out to you:
“Anti Bride wedding,” Usually a fashion forward event in a bigger city. These couples embrace trends and understand there is no such thing as a ‘timeless wedding.’ The images usually focus on candid or documentary style images, showcase quirky venues, and prioritize a loose itinerary.
“Colorado Cowboy Wedding” This rural inspired day most often has couples from two different backgrounds. Mixing refined city details into a country environment. A classic example is Taylor Hill’s wedding.
“Al Fresco Wedding” From the Italian meaning “In the open air”, Al Fresco weddings showcase beautiful open space venues and detail oriented designs. Long dinner tables under lights in Napa, vows under large oak trees, and intimate toasts.
“Vibrant Fine Art Wedding” (Hey, it’s me!) These couples appreciate the classics but want a fresh spin on things. These images will have brightly colored florals, unique stationery, and mixed bridesmaids dresses. Fine Art = Film photography, so you’ll see a lot of film and hybrid photos featured.
“Old Money Wedding” these images lean in to a more traditional wedding event. Couples who want a great photo op with a classic wedding party, vintage touching, and shimmering glassware. Upscale elements like pearls, satin, and lace textiles are a main feature.
There are so many more, but hopefully this will help you get the gist of wedding ‘aesthetics’ to add to your mood board and describe to your vendors!
4. Enjoy the process!
Remember that this wedding day is yours and yours alone. Whether you are eloping in the remote mountains or exchanging vows in a bustling city, make decisions that are authentic to your relationship and that bring you joy.
You’ll forget what the food tasted like and those wedding clothes won’t fit the same, but you you’ll never forget the way you felt.
Take time to recenter as a couple. I advise two dates a week: One date to tackle a wedding task like creating a registry, finalizing the seating arrangement, or cake tasting. One date a week with strictly no wedding planning talk! It can be stressful and taxing, so have some fun! Refocus on why you are in love with each other. That’s why you are doing all this in the first place!
The Overview
First Steps
Set your budget
Create your priorities
Decide your wedding ‘aesthetic’
Find your venue
Begin booking vendors
The Details
Create your wedding party
Book Honeymoon
Find your wedding attire
Consult an alterations specialist
Curate decor
Book your engagement session
Have your beauty trial
Month Of
Write thank you cards to wedding party
Thank you’s & tips to vendors
Finalize seating chart
Submit playlist and no-play songs
Write out vows
Have the best day ever!
The After Party
Preserve bouquet
Get the dress cleaned
Return rented suits
Enjoy your honeymoon!
Ready to be official? You can hit that ‘Contact’ button to fill out my inquiry form!
Kamarin Ann is a wedding photographer based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She specializes in bright and colorful wedding photography for fun couples. Serving Northern California, Arizona, Hawaii, and will happily travel to wherever your love is. With an emphasis on authentic moments, relaxed posing, and a documentary style to truly capture the way your wedding felt.
